Wii-mote Curtains!!! Sick......

Viki Secret - too sexy?!? Couldn't agree more!!

Would have thought this was a joke if it wasn't in such a reputable paper (WSJ), but apparently chief exec of Victoria Secret's Sharen Turney believes the brand has gotten "too sexy." She went on to add, "We gotten so much off our heritage. We use the word 'sexy' a lot and have gotten off 'ultra-feminine.'"

So does this mean we can expect long frocks and grandma coats to make a comeback? I'm sure that will go over HUGE during the next Viki Secret's Holiday show......

I know, I know, let's make a 2nd Internet.....

That won't be rife with porn, hackers, cybercriminals and social networking opportunities!! Former FBI Agent and Chief Information Security Officer for Janney Montgomery Scott, Patrick J. Dempsey, writes "The unfortunate and ugly truth is that the Web is providing a brand new 'world' where international cyber criminals can thrive, and the world's numerous criminal justice systems just aren't ready to address these crimes in their entirety."

His solution - create a second, more secure Internet! Wow, big idea Demps, wasn't that the intent of the original Internet. Oh, oh, I know, let's make a dedicated Internet police force to.....oh wait......f#ck......anway, check it......

Taser Parties? And you thought Cougars were hot.....

Nothing does it for us more than the idea of a bunch of Desperate housewives replacing Tupperware and lingerie parties for TASER PARTIES!!  Forget Avon and Viki Secret's, we're talking top of the line personal security equipment, with a feminine touch.  While sipping pink lemonade, the lovely ladies peruse the stock of custom tasers that cater to a softer side of style, including reds, pinks and leopard print.  Dana Shafman, inventor of the Taser party concept, says she never leaves home without one, and encourages the ladies to "go for the jugular."  

One estimate states that nearly 200 people have been killed by Taser in the past five years, as recently as October in the Vancouver airport.  Wonder how much we can make those numbers jump with this innovation, huh?   Love it.......  

Taser "fun," go about half way in the second video, the third one is so money it hurts!!  All I have to say is, Trish is the toughest dude I know!!

The Call Me Panty - wow.......

I guess I could say something witty and ironic about this new product, but what's the point.  Just watch the videos.....

Yeah, and its real!!   Who said Valentine's Day comes once a year??   Check it here......

The Celestial Watch.....sick.....

Citizen recently released the Astrodea collection, a celestial watch face which has a 35 degree view of space from the Northern Hemisphere.  The watch rotates in real time and features 1,109 stars and 1169 cluster galaxies!!  It also includes other measurements like equinox indications, constellation markers, locations of the sun, solar position, sunrise and sunset time times and the daily duration of sunshine.  Faces come in blue and gold and can be had for $585 at the Japan Trend Shop.  

We are definitely BIG fans of the LED watches over at TokyoFlash, but this is nice step for Citizen.  Keep it coming.....

Gummy Bear screeches for dear life!!!

Gummy Bears + Molten Potassium Chlorate = 20 seconds of pure bliss......

PS3 nirvana on the horizon?

Two BIG PS3 notes this week: 

Darren Waters of BBC News nearly makes the Church collectively soil themselves with his blog post on Sony's GDC dog-and-pony act which included the following: 

 

So what else was I shown? Well, I was shown a trailer for a game not due out till 2009 but was sworn to absolute secrecy. Apparently, Sony just wanted to give a glimpse of what the console will be capable of.

In fact, the game is such a secret that when I mentioned the game to Phil Harrison last week he was unsure at first whether even to admit the title existed. When I explained I had been shown it under strict Non Disclosure Agreement terms he looked relieved.

I don't mean to be a tease - all I can say is that I was left speechless. If the footage I was shown truly is "in game", as told to me by the Sony PR people, then we could be on the brink of a step change in what games consoles are capable of in terms of story-telling and immersion.

Yeah, we're excited.....check the entire blog post here.   

Other news - Sony Europe released PlayTV PVR for PS3, a personal video recorder add-on for the PS#.  Unfortunately, its only available in European/PAL territories, but we are holding our collective breathe for the U.S. launch.  PlayTV will have the ability to store shows on your PS#, watch via remote play on the PSP, as well as auto-choosing between HD and SD depending on your hook-up.  Sick......

The Church's Oscar coverage.....

Since we are primarily a non-profit entity, we had to really scale down our Oscar coverage this year, so we choose with care.  Here's Church of Cool correspondent Courtney Love blogging about her experience: 

swank looked great, i bet that was Versace, she looke dgirly for the fiorst time in forever- im sad for PTA i love teh Coens but PTA well tehy shouldve let him release all 6 hours of There Will Be Blood cos thats what i bet there is of it, Kidman as anyone knows and me are not bffs by any stretch, and i though te edgy thing was cool but for some reason not onher- and her forehead is way too shiny it flips me out- iwas REALLY isnpired Diablo Cody won - that was fucking AWESOME in fact i think i just may have peed all over her My Space- i was supposed to be at Eltons Party at i think noon or something and if we dont hiurry it will suck- i really dont want to get there ina crush of shit and stuff- wait my pr is outside im calling her hold on- okay i hope the disaster has been averted but m,y expirience with that party is that i do NOT want to see Paris dancing ona table i really really DONT and i dont want to stuff a stale slamon canape in my mouth and i really need to get laid so i m off to do so. i love dthat tattoo on her ( Dibalo) and her cute thigh and the wietzman shoes were actually pretty unnatractuve really,. neat, i like the minnesota thing too, i wont be getting a bl;ack bob although i think abou tit contstantly , but it was inspiring rarely does anyone win when theyre an "outisder" particul;alrly chicks who talk about sex working- desp[ite the fact that EVERYONE i know in this town who wasnt upper middle class or didnt come from a hollywood family DID IT and even then i know of some exceptions. so i was really proud a little Nirvana moment if you will. "we won" my friend Daphne Guiness is here and i cant wait to see her. okay signiong off ,. im moving bu June really why? cos between a blood red Fortuny and a pink Fortuny id get all sorts of crazy shit by people who dont even know whata Fortuny is ! borrrring, ill be back but for now im so over L:A

And the SNL crew giving us there take: 

Bamboo lights.....sick......

This pure genius was created by Sevcan Yardim, a recent graduate of the Middle East Technical University in Ankara.  She developed the "Bamboo Light" in conjunction with companies Arlight and Artful as a sustainable lighting concept.  Yardim stressed the importance of resource efficiency and powers this low-impact material with LED lighting for low energy use.  Amazing.....

Windmill turbine explodes!! Nuff said....

Scarlett Jo does an album; David Bowie sketches everyone out!!

Ok, one thing you knew, the other maybe not:  

David Bowie is sketchy with the birds. 

Scarlett Johansson is doing a cover album of Tom Waits songs (WTF??).  

Here's Bowie on his involvement with the album, and his feelings on Scarlett Jo's "singing" - "These songs are great, really good Tom Waits stuff, and Scarlett's performances are mystical and twice cool.  She creates a mood that could have been summoned by someone like Margery Latimer or Jeanette Winterson."  

Not getting it huh?  Click on the Jeanette and Margery to get the reference - so sexy.....

New Nokia "Morph" bends like gymnast!! 

Ok craziness here.  Nokia is unveiling a new nanotech concept phone during the MoMA's "Design and the Elastic Mind" exhibition called "The Morph."  Created by Nokia and the University of Cambridge, the phone is made of flexible materials that let you bend and stretch this baby to your heart's content.  It also has a self-cleaning surface which eliminates all the nasty crud and fingerprints you'll put on this OCD's wet dream!  Check the video below:  

Jay-Z, Bruce Ratner, the Brooklyn Nets & slavery???

  

In our latest WTF segment, Jay-Z, Bruce Ratner (billionaires behind the Nets move to Brooklyn) and Barclay's (who owns the naming rights to the new arena they are building in the Atlantic Shipyards) are being sued for $5 BILLION by Brooklyn activist Clive Campbell (not to be confused with the D.J. Kool Herc, although I'm sure he could use the scratch).  

Campbell has filed a "claim of lien" in property records that seeks the money for slavery reparations.  The thinking here is since Barclay's is accused of having links with the slave trade, Campbell can get paid.  Campbell says, "Mr. Ratner and Jay-Z worked in concert with Barclay's," and have "profited from the African Slave trade and continue to profit from these gains, through a conspiracy dating back hundreds of years and continue to date to oppress Black people, enslave them, unlawfully deport them to all corners of the Earth."  

Uh, I'm a little shaky on the facts, and even the relationship to the Nets move to Brooklyn, but in the immortal words of Hova, "I see you B!"   

F#ck Ben Affleck - literally.....

We do sincerely appreciate celebrity beef, especially when they take shots in the public sphere, but this whole Jimmy Kimmel, Matt Damon, Ben Affleck lovefest is going to new proportions, love it or hate it.....check it.

Wii getting high-powered with 3.2 update?

From the kids over at Kotaku, Wii is offering an update that improves performance of your favorite play box.  The official Nintendo site says, "this update does not affect any prominently-used features or menus; however it does provide some behind the scenes updates that will improve system performance."  

How about a DVD player update snitches?  

Be good to your green....with Twitter.....

Some genius with way too much time on their hands figured out how to use the most annoying widget on the planet (Twitter - don't worry we love you!) for things other than letting us know what sandwich your eating or how badly your latest toilet adventure is going.  

Now website "botanicalls" has rigged Twitter to remind you to water your plants!!  Hoo-ray!!  With that, a closet, plant lights, a Jiffy pot and primo seeds you are well on your way to nirvana.  

Man of the Year? Cool brew "Huski" inventor has our vote!!

Ah, those New Zealanders!! The latest to carry the torch of their storied tradition - 22 year-old Kent Hodgson, who has invented a portable gadget, that resembles a pocket rocket (double utility?), that can cool down any beer in the matter of seconds. Yeah, seconds.

The man himself, Kent H., said about the invention (The Huski),
"I thought how cool it would be if we could replicate putting beers in a freezer. No warm beer or a diluted drink and I was inspired."

Indeed. You have inspired us, Kent Hodgson, and for that, blessings my child. "The Huski" will sell for around $50 and can cool about 30 330ml bottles. We already pre-ordered. Bow down b#tches, bow down......

Does Bush "constructing detention centers for mysterious programs" weird anyone else out?

Far be it from The Church being sensationalist or subscribing to conspiracy theory, but this was so freaking eerie that we had to pass it along, check an excerpt:

"In January when the Army Corps of Engineers awarded Halliburton subsidiary Kellogg Brown & Root a $385 million contract to construct detention centers somewhere in the United States, to deal with "an emergency influx of immigrants into the US, or to support the rapid development of new programs," KBR said. [Market Watch, Jan. 26, 2006]

Later, the New York Times reported that "KBR would build the centers for the Homeland Security Department for an unexpected influx of immigrants, to house people in the event of a natural disaster or for new programs that require additional detention space." [Feb. 4, 2006]"

Click here for the full article. Also check Peter Dale Scott's take and Maureen Farrell on the subject.

For sure trippy, watch yo' azz folks, watch that azz......

Viki Secret's and Simian drugs for everyone......

We (meaning The Superficial, holla) do it all for you.....tons of pics from Victoria Secret's recent Fashion Show. Merry Christmas.....

"Crush on You" b#tches.....holla back.....

And a big what up to the Wolfgramm family, aka The Jets, who before fading into obscurity blessed us with 80's ass-shakers like "Crush on You" (above) and "You Better Dance." Man, they don't make 'em like they used to......

Here's to new housing ideas for the homeless...

The good folks over at WebUrbanist give us a progressive look at homeless shelters of the future - convertible, inflatable and portable. Now, if we only gave a sh#t (or had a conscious, moral compass, whatever.....). Check it......

For those that thought The Church went soft.....

Some Mamie Van Doren fo' dat azz......yeah we threw up in our mouth, just a little......

Who needs advertising - just sing Carrot Boy!!

Lupe is back with video for "Superstar"!! Dope!!

We'rrrreeeee BAACCCKKKK!!! - What you know about Sharon Jones & the Dap Kings, huh?

Funkiest isht this year (and last really), take a hold of the soul my brothers and sisters, The Church presents our newest affliction - SHARON JONES & THE DAP KINGS!!!

JAMES BROWN DANCE LESSON!!! Dopest thing you've ever seen!!!

The Church has forsaken you for far too long this week, so we are here to bless you with a jewel from the vault - check James Brown giving out dance lessons!!! The dopest sh#t you've ever seen in your life!! Now go and do the mashpotato!!! Holla......

How The Church makes it RAIN, too!!!

Damon Armagost, of Smryna, pleaded guilty Friday to printing $1,400 in counterfeit bills from the image of $100 bill he downloaded on his computer to pay strippers at a club in Nashville, The (Nashville) Tennessean reported.

Armagost spent $600 in counterfeit money in April on strippers who became suspicious and called police, who recognized the counterfeit bills as all having the same number as fake money passed elsewhere in the country, the newspaper reported.

AIDS victims "buried alive!!" WTF!!!

An HIV-positive woman named Margaret Marabe in Papua New Guinea claims that she has witnessed people with HIV/AIDS buried by relatives who were frightened and could not care for them any longer!! WTF!! The alcoholics and drug addicts are next, followed by the general black sheeps of the family. Loud infants too......f#ckin backwards ass low-lives......

Kinda looks like irradescent sperm to The Church.....

Astonomers voted, and here it is, the Top Ten Most Amazing Pictures Taken by the Hubble Space Telescope in the Last 16 Years!! All of them are trippy, and some just conjure up other thoughts, but overall dopeness from a telescope I've been hearing about for years. Or are these just computer generated photos to once again convince me that "space" really exists......hmmmm.......

50 Tips for Frugal Living - Bless yourself!!

Yeah, we've heard it all before, live frugal because it allows you to spend less than you earn, and then you can use the difference to pay off debt, save or invest. Because the less you spend, the less you need to earn. And that means you can work less, or work more but retire early. Or take mini retirements. You just have more options with a frugal lifestyle. So no drug and booze budget? What fun is that? Check it....

Party like a Jihadi!! Sure dude, blame the music!!

Asharq al-Awsat interviews three would-be “foreign fighters” under arrest in Riyadh who made big plans to join the insurgency. One of the young men says it was the music that made him do it:

"However, his admiration of the voice and words of an Islamic Jihadi singer and his call to participate in the insurgency pushed him to do what he did.

Al-Quayri told Asharq al-Awsat that he distributed documentaries about Jihad in Iraq after finding inspiration in the words of the unknown Islamic singer who Al-Quayri now feels deceived him by saying that Jihad is the least he could do for Muslims in such a chaotic country."

Stare-down a rugby player from your home!!

Archiblad Ingall Stretton in London built an advergame for the O2 mobile provider that puts you in a staring contest with three rugby players. The best part is that the game is able to tell when you blink or look away: "We capture the output of the webcam using BitmapData, using the current and previous frames of data we apply a Difference filter to the two images and then we analyse, pixel by pixel, what has changed." Dope.....check it.......

Extinct Walrus Penis Bone goes for $8,000!!! I'm in the wrong business....

On my birthday no less!! A fossilized penis bone from an extinct walrus got auctioned off for $8,000, far below the expected price. The 4½-foot-long "item," covered with weathered skin and dry muscle tissue, was sold to the company that runs the Ripley's Believe It or Not museums, said Josh Chait, director of operations for the I.M. Chait Gallery, his family's auction house.

"Their corporate office bought it and they'll probably display it around the country," he said. The fossilized baculum, or penis bone, is from a species of walrus that went extinct 12,000 years ago. It was found preserved in permafrost in northern Siberia.

The auction house said it was believed to be the largest known mammal penis fossil (Wait till The Church dies.....couldn't help it.....).

"I'm glad it's going to a museum and not a private collection" so it can on public display, Chait said. "It's definitely something everyone should see once in their life."

I can't make this sh#t up.......God I love being alive........

Dope Sh#t - The Pillow-Wig!!!

Needless to say, ours is in the mail, but could you imagine if this became as common as Nikes? I bet you we wouldn't be so mad all the time, all this war and sh#t......anyway, I bet you we wouldn't be so mad all the time, all this war and sh#t......anyway, "Pillowig" is a handmade wearable pillow comforting people's daily lives, enabling users to sleep comfortably whenever and whenever they’d like. When user test were done in public spaces - subway, airplane, library, class room and laundromat, viewers commented: “I would like to have it for my trip.”, “Very funny.” “This is practical, but a laugh, too." Joo Youn Paek made 50 limited editions and sold 47 pieces at the exhibition of the work and gained “Pillowig” fans. Two months later fans did a group performance piece at the Old Palace, Seoul. Dope......check it......